To My Valentine

More than a catbird hates a cat, 
Or a criminal hates a clue, 
Or the Axis hates the United States, 
That's how much I love you.

I love you more than a duck can swim, 
And more than a grapefruit squirts, 
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore, 
And more than a toothache hurts.

As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea, 
Or a juggler hates a shove, 
As a hostess detests unexpected guests, 
That's how much you I love.

I love you more than a wasp can sting, 
And more than the subway jerks, 
I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch, 
And more than a hangnail irks.

I swear to you by the stars above, 
And below, if such there be, 
As the High Court loathes perjurious oathes, 
That's how you're loved by me.